THANK YOU Anonymous Commenter

Dear Anonymous,

THANK YOU for the amazing & powerful words you sent to me in regards to my "STRUGGLES" post. I continue to take each day at a time & try to grow stronger & rebuild my heart. I really feel that I am constantly taking 1 step ahead and then falling 2 behind. I am realizing I have much healing ahead of me. I will hold your words near & dear to me always & forever. THANK YOU for taking the time to type me such a beautiful message, as every bit of time is precious.

Thank You, Thank You & Thank You,

Erin

Comment left by an anonymous reader.......

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard Him say “A Mother has a baby
This we know is true”
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave- it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear
My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillows where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons are through
And on the day you come home
they'll be at the gates for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of Right from the very start
Though some on earth May not realize
Until their time is done
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are
A Special Mom.

STRUGGLES

I awoke to my alarm buzzing @ 4 am this morning, I lay in bed having no ambition to get up

reason

#1- it's so early

#2-dreading that the day included a baby shower for a friend

So I forced myself out of bed, prepared & packed lunches for my men & started baking my goodies that I committed to bring to the shower. It hit me hard & I wondered "how will I make it through this event" my heart feels like it has been ripped out of me, my soul aches with such pain & I feel so empty inside of me due to the baby I yearned for so badly had been lifted away from us.With these feeling weighing so heavy on my mind I opened my kitchen window to watch the dark light turn into day light. I stood & listened to the birds whistle who nest in my grapefruit tree as I mixed ingredients for my muffins.

At this moment my thoughts were interrupted & Jeff's Grandma Mildred who passed away last year came to mind as I found myself using her baking utensils that I took from her home. Memories brushed my mind as she would have celebrated a birthday yesterday. It was then that I pondered if there is anyone person who believed in the power of prayer it was Mildred. I stopped what I was doing & said out loud

"Mildred if you can hear me, today is going to be extra rough please shower me with a blessing from above and may it pour down over me & give me strength to be emotionally strong". It was then when my mind replayed my goodbye to Jeff. Jeff kissed me goodbye this morning, looked into my eyes & said "honey keep your chin up, call me if you need to talk or just call me anyway, I am here for you & I love you" and kissed me again. I looked to the pretty white & pink blooms that fill my flower garden, stood tall & said "I can do this". Thank you Jeff for being the WIND BENEATH MY WINGS........

Pre-pregnancy I lost 40 pounds & was feeling great. I was lucky to have only gained 10 pounds in my almost 5 months of pregnancy and here is yet another struggle for me. I am having such a hard time jumping back on the band wagon. As I felt that I could have stuck my head into the bowl of cookie dough I prepared this morning and the smell as they baked in the oven made my mouth water. Now don't those look delish?

I have had zero desire to workout. I know what I have do and how hard I worked to loose the weight. What is wrong with me, where is my will? Where is my ambition? As I walked down the hallway I stopped and peaked in on Dylan snuggled under his covers sleeping ever so soundly, during the moment I hoped he was having a sweet dream. He looked so peaceful. I got into the shower with tears in my eyes feeling sad for different reasons. I thought strongly how I would like to loose more weight, I miss feeling so good, making smart food choices & sweating my butt off working out. So I had this vision of how the conversation would go if I were to share my current feelings to my little man Dylan (I would not do this though way to much pressure for a 5 yr old to have to endure) I feel his words would be:

Mom everything will be okay, tomorrow is a new day & I love you to the moon and back with him giving me a big hug & kiss. So having that scene flash through my mind as the hot shower water ran down my face I stood tall and said I can beat this, I can do this, & TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY......

GOSH I LOVE THIS BOY!!!!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you ever so much for the men in my life and the love they give to me!

xoxo, Erin

Easter Fun & Bunny Cake

Dylan was so excited to have his cousin Michael sleep over just before Easter. They had lots of fun playing together. We did an egg hunt & the boys loved eating mushy chocolate. We all had fun coloring eggs. After the egg clean up we loaded up a bowl full of popcorn, grabbed some drinks and watched Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory in our tent out in the backyard. The boy's really digged this idea. We snuggled as the wind blew some drifted to dream land and well me I watched my favorite movie to the bitter end. Jeff & I carried the boy's asleep to their beds and called it a good night.

We enjoyed Easter dinner at the Sisco's (my sister Maura's home). The company was fun as always & the dinner was delish. We enjoyed Leg of Lamb w/corn flake potatoes, broccoli rice casserole, asparagus and my home made broccoli bread muffins. Desert was my task, first time ever I attempted a bunny cake & it Rocked. See for yourself it is pictured down below. I started out slow, Jeff joined in & we got creative. Dylan had fun mastering his new bubbles w/some help from his Nana G. Our Easter will go down in the books as GREAT!

Egg coloring

Movie in a tent went well it may have to become a new tradition

Dylan's Loot from the Easter Bunny

My G Q man

Kudos Maura-Beautiful table setting

Appetizer's on the patio

Bubble Fun

My little magician with his bubble wand

My work of art-tell me what u think-should I start a cake decorating business?

Happy Easter!!!!!!!

FEELING OVERWHELMED

Wishing I was sitting in my chair Without a worry on my mind..............

It most certainly has been a rough few weeks. Having said that I need a little "spring" for some hope. I love spring colors there is just something about them that can make me smile & feel a sense of happiness.

As I dropped Dylan off to school this week we were notified with a letter that his school will be closing the end of this year, which left us quite bummed. We had registered for next year and now that most if not all schools have completed registration and only have wait list spots it is making things hard for us to find the "right" place for Dylan. So as I continue on my emotional roller coaster ride I am hoping things will fall I mean spring into place. :)

Happy Valentine's Day

Homemade Breakfast fit for my King #1 Delivered to my Valentine by my King #2

As you can see Jeff is enjoying every moment of his surprise breakfast in bed & he stayed in bed till NOON!!!!! Hope you had a wonderful day sweetheart. Thank you for sharing your love with me. You are one special Dude and you are all mine!!!!My beautiful roses that smelled up our entire house

Dylan's valentine loot from Aunt Kelly. He loves getting surprise packages in the mail. Thank you for being so thoughtful Aunt Kelly, we miss you so much......

Some Valentine crafts & goodies Dylan made at school. It is a candy necklace and if you look at his picture really close you will notice a HUGE chuck of hair missing from his bangs. I must say he was not under Mom & Dad's supervision at the time. We learned our lesson with scissors a LONG time ago. Hopefully a lesson learned.... Only time will tell..........

I am back to let you know I can.....

really blog again.



Woot Woot I am back in business. I have been without a computer for at least a month maybe more. But I will have lots of picture downloading to do and then I will catch up on my posting. So I really really promise I will be back. I will try and get some stuff up by the end of the weekend.
See you all real soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!